How the Foundation of Collaborative Law Supports Shared Parenting
Written by: Ashley-Nicole Russell, Esq. of AN|R Law: A Negotiated Resolution and NPO Board Member
Throughout our lives we make countless choices. Those choices impact almost everything that follows including our happiness, wellness, health, mindset, and so much more. For couples with children who explore separation or divorce, many don’t realize they have choices when it comes to how they divorce. It’s important that they consider how each separation or divorce process could affect their family. While most are likely familiar with traditional divorce through litigation, there is another type of divorce that is helping families divorce healthy around the world. Collaborative Practice is an alternative dispute resolution that takes place out of the court system. This process and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals were recently nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for the work done helping families during divorce and separation.
As a North Carolina-based attorney with over a decade of experience practicing Collaborative Family Law, I am committed to keeping my clients out of court. I started my law firm, AN|R Law: A Negotiated Resolution, right out of law school and I became the first Collaborative attorney in eastern North Carolina. Over the past 10 years, I’ve grown my firm to include locations throughout central and eastern North Carolina in Greenville, Raleigh, Beaufort, and Wilmington. It’s been the most rewarding journey. Families that I’ve worked with over the years are set up for future success with healthy relationships with their children and their parenting partners. The overall structure and process of Collaborative Practice supports the concept of shared parenting and having both parents spend equal time. This is such an important aspect to me personally because I’m a child of divorce whose parents didn’t have an equal shared parenting agreement. I now serve on the National Board of Directors for the National Parents Organization because I believe in the mission and I don’t want other children of divorce to have the same experience that I did while growing up.
What is Collaborative Law?
Collaborative Practice, also known as Collaborative Law or Collaborative Divorce, is a unique and voluntary dispute resolution model which provides families the opportunity to reduce the negative impacts of litigation. It’s an out-of-court process that guides couples to make their own lasting and respectful resolutions, without resorting to litigation or the intervention of judges, magistrates, or court personnel.
The process was created by Minnesota attorney Stuart Webb in 1990. As a family law attorney, he was frustrated with the way these delicate and personal cases were being handled in the court system. Through his years of practice, he realized that the concept of traditional divorce litigation was not helpful for most families. Instead of resolving conflict, litigation would often create more conflict. Once he created and introduced the concept of Collaborative Practice, it took off across the United States.
Collaborative Practice was introduced in North Carolina in the early 1990s, but wasn’t recognized as an alternative to court divorce until 2003 when the state legislature passed a bill defining the key components of the process. I co-founded the North Carolina Collaborative Attorney Network (NC-CAN) as a way to further spread awareness about this practice across the state.
Collaborative Law has also become popular around the world with tens of thousands of Collaborative-trained practitioners in 28 different countries. It became even more apparent to me when I was appointed to the International Membership Committee for IACP and we started to recruit new members from around the world. It’s amazing to see the positive impact that this type of legal process has on families globally and how it’s helping people to divorce and settle disputes in a healthy way.
Outlining the Collaborative Law Process
There are many parts of the Collaborative Law process that make it unique from other types of family law proceedings. As outlined by the IACP, a global resource for learning about and promoting Collaborative Practice, Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation. To get started, each spouse will choose their own Collaborative Divorce attorney. These attorneys will be from different law firms without any conflicts of interest to ensure fair and honest representation. Then, the divorcing spouses sign a Collaborative Participation Agreement to ensure that they are committed to resolving their dispute and handling their divorce using this method without the threat of litigation. Once this is established, each spouse, with their own attorney, will come together for roundtable talks and discussions to decide how to move forward by mapping out their divorce agreement. While these conversations can be emotionally trying and difficult at times, they are guided to be respectful while using non-violent communication techniques. During the process, I outline three different tasks at hand:
The Parenting Plan
The Financial Plan
The Relational Plan
For a divorcing couple with children, the parenting plan is meant to protect the wellbeing of the children involved and also provide a positive structure for the co-parenting relationship for years to come. This plan, as outlined in the Collaborative Process, typically includes the:
Assignment of decision-making responsibility concerning the health and education of the children
Creation of an on-duty/off-duty parenting schedule
Agreed upon set of standards of conduct for the parenting relationship
Development of a plan for work or education-related childcare if needed
Formation of a plan for schedule changes and future problem resolution outside of court
You can read more about the Financial Plan and Relational Plan tasks on my website by clicking here.
Protecting Children During a Collaborative Divorce
I know all too well what can happen when children are used as pawns during a traditional divorce. During the Collaborative Process, that does not happen. In fact, minor children are not included in the meetings, which helps to protect them from conflict or seeing their parents at odds.
One of my favorite added benefits of Collaborative Law is that neutral, third-party experts can be brought in to assist. This is an incredible asset to the divorce process as these specialists can advise attorneys and spouses rather than involving the children themselves. A child specialist functions as a neutral professional for both parents with the intent of providing them with information from a child’s perspective. This expert is a licensed mental health professional who has Collaborative training. If their expertise is needed, they can also:
Meet with parents to obtain developmental information, identify family strengths and help set goals for the children’s needs in the process
Meet with the children to assess their hopes and needs for the future
May work with the Coaches to strengthen the co-parenting relationship
Give feedback to the parents and other collaborative professionals
Help the parents create a written Parenting Plan
The end goal for a Collaborative Divorce that involves children is to allow the parents and their children to go on to live happy, healthy lives together, yet apart. This is done through establishing positive and respectful co-parenting relationships. Yes, it can take a lot of work, but the Collaborative Process outlines the steps needed to achieve that and helps the divorcing spouses along the way.
The Impact of Divorce Litigation on Children
Collaborative Law is the healthier way to divorce for not only the spouses but for their entire family – including their children. I do not believe that litigation helps families because it fails to protect children during the process since parents are pitted against each other. As I have researched in my book, The Cure for Divorce Culture, divorce can impact future generations in various ways. The book includes statistics of children who experienced divorce, interviews with adult children who came from divorced homes, and studies of the psychological impacts of observing conflict as a child. These findings unveiled in my book show that children of litigated divorce have an increased risk of complications in personal relationships, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, and violence:
200% of children are more likely to get divorced when both spouses come from a divorced home
50% of children are more likely to get divorced when one spouse is from a divorced home
18.9% of children living with one parent have a drug or alcohol problem
18.8% of children of divorce suffered from a lifetime of alcohol dependence
30% increase in likelihood of suicide attempts by adult children of divorce
82% of 56 school shooters grew up in dysfunctional families and/or with separated parents
Through my work with NPO, IACP, and NC-CAN, I am committed to spreading awareness about Collaborative Law and its endless benefits. I’ve been invited to speak at various conferences, trainings, and workshops to share information about Collaborative and how it protects children during the process of divorce and develops healthy co-parenting after divorce.
It is truly incredible to see more and more states supporting shared parenting movements by passing laws and legislation. My home state of North Carolina has a lot of work to do to improve its shared parenting laws. I’m a major supporter of these changes and have been meeting with lawmakers and advocating for the benefits of shared parenting. I also supported the display of a billboard on a major highway in the state capital of Raleigh to encourage lawmakers to research the benefits of shared parenting and support legislation. Advocates of shared parenting laws in North Carolina are invited to write letters of support and contact their representatives to explain why it is important to them.
Meanwhile, there are many other states that are paving the way for this type of equality and I’m thrilled to see seven states proclaiming Shared Parenting Day on April 26 this year. There is still work to be done across the country, but it’s incredible to see the progress made in these states and others with shared parenting legislation coming before lawmakers. It is my hope that in the coming years, more states will pass laws that support shared parenting so equal time with both parents in the cases of separation and divorce can become the norm. The children of separation and divorce in America need this and deserve this.
The Reward of Shared Parenting and Collaborative Law
Working with NPO on shared parenting awareness and advocacy has been an incredible reward and I’m so grateful to have this opportunity. As I look to change the way divorce is handled across America and around the world, I am committed to spreading awareness about Collaborative Law. One of its many benefits is that it’s child-centered and prioritizes the wellbeing of children who are involved in the divorce of their parents. I continue to provide this type of information to individuals looking for a healthier way to divorce through various platforms. In addition to my book, I host the podcast, “Divorce Healthy! with Ashley-Nicole Russell” to share important resources for anyone experiencing separation, divorce, or co-parenting while helping them on their journey.
As a way to help educate other attorneys, I launched Delivering Divorce Differently, a first-of-its-kind training program, to coach legal practitioners on how they can leave litigation behind by becoming committed to the Collaborative Practice. Through my law firm, book, podcast, and training program, I am passionate about helping others learn about Collaborative Law and its positive impact on shared parenting.
You can learn more about AN|R Law: A Negotiated Resolution by reaching out to our office by calling 252-702-4376 or filling out this online contact form. I’d love to connect with you on social media through Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. You can also check out my book, The Cure for Divorce Culture, and listen to my podcast, “Divorce, Healthy!” which is available on all major listening platforms. If you’re interested in inviting me to speak at your next event or conference, I’d be honored to talk with you about the opportunity. I’m currently booking in-person and virtual speaking engagements for 2023 and 2024 – you can learn more by emailing media@anrlaw.com.