Shared Parenting News.
The posts below are a selection of the most recent shared parenting news. To view our blog , which has been discontinued and archived, please visit sharedparenting.com.
How to Prevent Parental Alienation
What is Parental Alienation
The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists states that Parental Alienation Syndrome is “children rejecting a parent without justification.” This makes it sound like these kids just wake up one day and tell mom or dad they don’t want to see them anymore.
But is that how it happens? Not from my perspective.
Do We Need a Men’s Equality Month?
The International Council for Men and Boys (ICMB) is promoting Men’s Equality Month, November, 2024. This raises the question: “Do we need a Men’s Equality Month?”
Yes!
But more needs to be said.
Parenting Schedules for Divorced Parents
Parenting is a territorial sport. Parents protect both their children and their rights to raise them how they see fit. So when it comes to the time a child of divorce spends with each parent, the schedule can be a huge point of contention.
But first, let’s clear up a matter of confusion. Custody and parenting time are two different issues. Custody pertains to decision-making authority—sole custody gives one parent full control, while joint custody means both parents share this power. Parenting time, however, refers to how time is allocated between parents, which can be unequal even with joint custody.
New Hampshire HB185 Signed Into Law!
July 26, 2024 was a great day for New Hampshire children and families, HB 185 Shared Parenting has been signed into law.
Thank you, Governor Sununu, for signing this important legislation.
HB 185 reforms the current, outdated language in New Hampshire law to better align with the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment of the United States Constitution, most importantly, to protect New Hampshire children’s right to the equal care, custody, and control of both of their fit, willing, and able parents after separation or divorce.
How to Respond to Negativity From Your Co-parent
What do you do when all your co-parent does is spew negativity at you? How are you supposed to have a productive conversation with them? How will you two ever collaborate on anything?You may feel overwhelmed and helpless when it seems like every word coming at you is specifically chosen to maximize pain. If you’re like most people, your first reaction to negativity is to give it right back. After all, they’ve earned it, haven’t they? But if you do that, where is it going to get you? Are you going to finally convince your co-parent that they are wrong, and you are right? Unlikely!
3 Lists: A Tool to Help Co-parents Reconcile Different Parenting Styles
Co-parents who come to me for co-parent coaching often ask me to help them resolve conflicts involving differences in parenting styles and difficulty agreeing on decisions surrounding the children.
To help parents get their arms around these concerns so they can be managed between them, I ask each parent to make three lists:
Rethinking the History of Child Custody
Psychologists tell us that we have a hard time rethinking beliefs we’ve long held. We’re subject to “confirmation bias”--ignoring evidence that would undermine our beliefs—and even the so-called “backfire effect”--digging in our heels more firmly when our beliefs are challenged. But sometimes long-held beliefs have to give way to evidence. I have been forced to revise my understanding of the history of child custody in the face of compelling evidence.
I should mention that my beliefs about the history of child custody weren’t formed out of thin air. I’ve published papers in law reviews and philosophy journals that rely on sketches of this history. In researching to write these articles, I’ve read dozens of articles and a handful of books on the history of child custody. I thought I had a reasonably good understanding of these matters.
Then I read The History of Custody Law, by attorney Tom James.
Navigating New Love and Blended Families: A Roadmap for Post-Divorce Romances
Finding love after a heart-wrenching breakup can feel like a breath of fresh air. You're ecstatic to rediscover your worthiness of love and eager to embark on your next chapter. But when you are a parent, the journey of blending a new partner into your family dynamic can be fraught with challenges.
So, when is it the right time to introduce your children to a new love interest? How long should you be dating? What do you need to know before you go down this path? How do you prepare for the introduction? Do you need to tell your co-parent? And how do you do that?
International Council on Shared Parenting Celebrates 10th Anniversary
This month marks the 10th anniversary of the International Council on Shared Parenting. I’m writing to celebrate that milestone and to praise ICSP for its terrific work over the past decade.
Divorce With Respect Week – Finding a Better Way to Untie the Knot
When a couple decides to divorce, the first thing they typically think of is that it will be an intense, costly legal battle that could create even more animosity during and after an already uncertain period of their lives. The collateral damage comes when there are children involved, and they get caught in the crossfire. This is damage that can impact children’s lives for years to come, even as adults. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are options for divorce other than litigation. The 3rd annual Divorce With Respect Week will be held March 4 through 8, 2024. Divorce With Respect Week offers an opportunity to learn more about those options. Collaborative Divorce Professionals throughout the country are offering free 30-minute consultations to anyone wanting to better understand the divorce process.
Defining “Best Interest of the Child” in Family Law
It is said that those involved with the family courts—domestic relations judges, guardians ad litem, parenting coordinators, and others—must always act in the best interests of the children involved. And certainly, that is easy enough to agree with given the fact that these court officers make life-changing decisions on behalf of these children.
But how do you define “best interests of the child”? Is there a uniform definition of the term “best interests”? I mean if this is the legal standard for making life-changing decisions for a child, shouldn’t the standard be objective and measurable? Yet, according to the U.S. Government Child Welfare Information Gateway (childwelfare.gov), “…there is no standard definition of best interests of the child.” They go on to state that “"Best interests" determinations are generally made by considering a number of factors related to the child's circumstances and the parent or caregiver's circumstances and capacity to parent, with the child's ultimate safety and well-being the paramount concern.”
Why Isn’t Equal Shared Parenting Already the Norm?
Here’s a puzzle for you. As regular readers of Shared Parenting News know, National Parents Organization has commissioned high-quality, independently administered polling in many states about people’s attitudes toward shared parenting.
The results of these polls are stunning!
Co-parenting During the Holidays
Ah the Holidays. A time for joy, celebration, and… stress! It’s a challenging season for any family. Everyone talks grandly about beautiful holiday dinners, hours spent decorating together, shopping for gifts, and attending holiday parties.
But what happens if you’re a divorced or separated parent. For co-parents, the holidays serve up a full menu of stress. From the added challenges of dividing time with the children between two homes, to the pressure of creating those perfect childhood memories for your kids. So how do you get it right?
With a little intention and planning you can convert these challenges into opportunities for your family.
Unraveling the Complex Web of Parental Alienation and Abuse
Parental Alienation (PA) is a contentious issue in family court proceedings, often involving accusations of abuse between parents. Opponents of the science on parental alienation and opponents of shared parenting presumptions sometimes argue that allegations of parental alienation behaviors are a strategy used by abusers to wrest custody from protective parents.
New Florida Law Puts National Focus on Unwed Dads
By Laurie A. Couture
A July 2023 law change in Florida has brought national attention to the state of rights for unmarried fathers in the United States. The bill, which was known as “The Good Dad Act”, passed “unanimously” in the Florida House and Senate, according to an ABC News report. The law recognizes the natural right of an unmarried birth father to have an equal say in parenting his child and establishes legal protection for unmarried fathers—who previously could be cut out of their child’s lives—to be recognized when they acknowledge paternity.
Supporting a Child's Hobbies and Talents After Divorce: Effective Co-Parenting Strategies
Divorce can be a challenging and emotionally charged experience for both parents and children. Amidst the upheaval, it's crucial not to let the pursuit of a child's passions and talents fall by the wayside. We’re talking sports, music, art, or clubs focused on more cerebral pursuits. Continued participation in such activities can provide your child with continuity they need in an otherwise changing world. It can also give them something positive to focus on and put their energy toward.
Linda Reutzel: NPO’s Champion for Children
National Parents Organization has awarded its first “Champion for Children” award to Linda Reutzel, the Missouri Chair of NPO and a long-time member of NPO’s National Board.
Linda is a mother and grandmother from Cape Girardeau, Missouri, who became aware of the harmful effects of Missouri’s custody laws and family court practices when her son, Griffan, divorced and was sidelined in his daughter Averie’s life, being awarded only a Missouri’s “Schedule J” parenting time. While Schedule J, which is the old “every other weekend and one evening a week” schedule, is claimed to be a “minimum, regular schedule of visitation and custody”, it often treated as a default even when both parents are fit and loving parents.
Celebrating Your Child’s Birthday After Divorce
You’ve split from your child’s other parent. So what do you do when it comes to celebrating your child’s birthday? Just because you two aren’t together doesn’t mean your child stops having birthdays or that you no longer dream of giving your child wonderful birthday memories.
Do you want to give him a party or buy her a nice gift which would be easier if you both paid for it? Maybe you’re super busy with work and could use some help having a party with 20 rambunctious young boys or a slumber party for your tween girl and her 15 giggling friends. Do you usually celebrate birthdays with extended family? How do you pull that off now?
Congratulations Missouri!
It took nine long years! Nine years of persistent effort from shared parenting advocates, led by National Parents Organization’s Linda Reutzel. But, this past July, Missouri joined the select club of states that establish a presumption of equal shared parenting when parents live apart.
Ohio Courts Continue to Make Progress But Much Too Slowly
In 2018 and then again in 2020, National Parents Organization undertook a review of the local parenting time rules adopted by each of Ohio’s 88 county domestic relations courts and published the results of those reviews, grading the county courts on the degree to which their rules promote equal shared parenting. NPO has just completed the 2023 NPO Ohio Parenting Time Rules Report, which updates these earlier reports. These reports show significant changes in court parenting time schedules.
There is good news and bad news to report.