Shared Parenting News.
The posts below are a selection of the most recent shared parenting news. To view our blog , which has been discontinued and archived, please visit sharedparenting.com.
How to be a Fully Present Co-parent
Are you a victim of parental alienation or constantly fighting with a co-parent to comply with your parenting agreement? Conflicts in co-parenting can be difficult to resolve. Especially if you feel like you are the only one trying to be cooperative. Yet are you certain you are doing everything possible to improve your circumstances and your parenting experience?
Last month, I introduced four strategies that will help you to minimize parental alienation.
North Carolina Lawmakers Introduce Comprehensive Shared Parenting Bills
With bipartisan support and sponsorship, North Carolina lawmakers in both the House and Senate have introduced bills to support shared parenting. These drafts, which were filed in April 2023, are the most comprehensive shared parenting bills to date in North Carolina. The introduction of these bills prove that lawmakers recognize that children of separated and divorced families deserve equal time with both of their parents.
Ashley-Nicole Russell, an author, attorney, and member of the National Board of Directors for National Parents Organization, is a major proponent and supporter for Senate Bill 576 and House Bill 735, both entitled “An Act Establishing a Presumption of Joint Custody and Shared Parenting.” She worked as part of the advisory and advocacy work to get these proposed bills to lawmakers who are passionate about this issue.
How the Foundation of Collaborative Law Supports Shared Parenting
Written by: Ashley-Nicole Russell, Esq. of AN|R Law: A Negotiated Resolution and NPO Board Member
Throughout our lives we make countless choices. Those choices impact almost everything that follows including our happiness, wellness, health, mindset, and so much more. For couples with children who explore separation or divorce, many don’t realize they have choices when it comes to how they divorce. It’s important that they consider how each separation or divorce process could affect their family. While most are likely familiar with traditional divorce through litigation, there is another type of divorce that is helping families divorce healthy around the world. Collaborative Practice is an alternative dispute resolution that takes place out of the court system. This process and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals were recently nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for the work done helping families during divorce and separation.
4 Strategies to Combat Parental Alienation (Part 1 of 2)
As a co-parenting coach, I have some parents, particularly fathers, reach out to me for help because they feel they are being alienated from their children. There’s a lot of debate among family professionals over the term “parental alienation”. But as someone who has heard countless tales of moms (and some dads) who go to great lengths to build a wedge, if not a wall, between a child and their other parent, I can say for certain that whatever you want to call it, many divorced parents, mostly dads, are being deprived of having a relationship with their children because of the actions of the other parent.
Shared Parenting and Child Maltreatment: Data from Ohio and Kentucky
Shared parenting advocates are often met with concerns that presumptions of equal shared parenting will put domestic violence victims at risk and endanger children. National Parents Organization has not seen any data to support such concerns. And, in fact, the data available suggest the exact opposite is true: presumptions of shared parenting are protective of abuse victims and children.
Here, I want to focus on some research concerning shared parenting and child maltreatment—abuse and neglect. As a child-focused, research-based organization, child well-being is of central concern to NPO.
Co-parenting is Not a Competition
Last month’s article addressed two of three obstacles to collaborative co-parenting that many parents struggle with. These obstacles are:
1. Being angry or emotionally hurt
2. Getting defensive
3. Competing for favor
We covered the first two obstacles in last month’s article. Now, let's address the last one…
What to Look for in a Therapist in High Conflict Custody Cases
Relational issues are one of the most common reasons why people go to therapy. The vast majority of individuals will experience some positive benefits from therapy. The training a therapist receives in graduate school, practicum, and internship provides the skills and information necessary to guide people in a way that increases their insight about their own intrapsychic and interpersonal barriers in relationships. So, why do they not have the same level of success with families going through high conflict, litigated, separation and divorce?
Most parents who divorce will find a way to minimize their conflict. Even if they cannot attain a harmonious “conscious uncoupling” as described by Katherine Woodward and later popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow, they are able to bring closure to their intimate relationship and move themselves and their children into a stable and somewhat amicable new existence where family units exist in two homes instead of one, where parents operate differently but still unite on important topics, and where healthy parent child relationships are valued by both parents.
Life After Separation: 7 Coping Strategies for You and Your Children
No one prepares you for life after separation from a loved one. And while it may seem impossible, you can rebuild your family’s life even when your partner is no longer in the picture. Whether you’re trying to adjust to life with a loved one in jail, move on from divorce, or deal with the death of your partner, here are a few tips on how to cope with the grief and major changes that may arise.
How to Overcome 3 Obstacles to Collaborative Co-parenting
Many parents living separately attempt co-parenting only to see their efforts fail. But why? For the vast majority of divorced and separated parents, their efforts to co-parent collaboratively don’t fail because they are bad parents, unwilling to give it a try, or want to ruin their kids’ lives. It’s because they don’t know how to overcome the obstacles standing in their way.
In Memory of Greg Wood
Greg Wood of Lexington, KY passed away on Friday, January 6, 2023, at the age of 57. Gone much too soon, Greg was a dear friend to so many, and a pioneer for shared parenting in the state of Kentucky. Led by former NPO Kentucky State Chair and current NPO board member, Matt Hale, Kentucky had a volunteer team dubbed “The Kentucky Heroes” that worked tirelessly on helping to pass House Bill 528 in 2018, which was the nation’s first true shared parenting law. While not officially a part of NPO, Greg Wood was the Kentucky State Lead for The Fathers’ Rights Movement at the time, and was very much a key part of that team. He was a selfless and servant leader, and such an amazing mentor for so many of us in the group to follow.
Five Choices We Made as Co-parents to Become Happily Divorced
Back in 2019, I released my first book on co-parenting, Happily Divorced: A Journey Through Divorce & Co-Parenting by the Golden Rule. In contrast with Combative to Collaborative: the Co-parenting Code which would be classified more as a “how-to”, Happily Divorced is a memoir in which I shared with the world the choices my son’s father and I personally made throughout our co-parenting journey. I felt and still believe that sharing our story helps other divorced and separated parents to see that being happy parents and raising happy children after divorce is not only possible, but should be expected.
Policies and Programs Affecting Fathers
Jessica Pearson, PhD, director of the Fatherhood Research & Practice Network (FRPN) and the Center for Policy Research (CPR), along with CPR research analyst Rachel Wildfeuer, PhD, have authored a 12-chapter compilation of policies and programs that support the engagement of fathers with their children in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.
Programs to Help Children With Divorced Parents
By Ruth Riley
It's undeniably clear that divorce is challenging for children of all ages. Still, the good thing is that parents can follow various guidelines to support their kids during and after the process. Below is a list of programs to assist kids in coping with the outcomes of a divorce.
Seek Outside Help
Mental health centers, social service agencies, and family counselors are helpful. Most parents seek professional help to navigate the process when child abuse or domestic violence occurs. Professionals help you plan for contact with the other parent and the best way to communicate with kids about a divorce.
What Happens to Extended Family Relationships After Divorce?
adapted from the book Combative to Collaborative: The Co-Parenting Code written by Teresa Harlow
Some people like their in-laws. Some hate them. And some simply tolerate them. When you split up, you have to face at what level the relationship with your child’s other family will survive.
If you aren’t very close or weren’t together long, it will be easy for you to disconnect from your former spouse’s extended family and vice versa. If you didn’t like each other, you may use the split as an excuse to eject them or they you from each other’s lives. If you liked your in-laws, you will be grief-stricken and may wonder if these dear family members are lost from you forever.
Co-parenting Conflict Resolution - Alternatives to Court Litigation
Teresa Harlow, October 2022
When parents divorce, the final decree declares the death of the romantic relationship. But their relationship as parents lives on-whether it be acrimonious or amicable. Typically, divorcing parents follow the parenting plan they submitted with their divorce paperwork.
Of course, this doesn’t mean everyone will abide by it. What should you do if your co-parent is not holding up their end of the bargain? You may be thinking that means going back to court. Not so fast. You have many options. Let’s explore them.
Co-Parenting and Discipline
Of all the co-parenting topics I cover, this one is central to why parents need to get this right. Otherwise, you take the risk of your child becoming a casualty of their parents’ choices. Discipline includes setting limits, teaching responsibility, rewarding good behavior, and penalizing bad choices.
One of the saddest things I’ve witnessed in observing other co-parents is the inability or unwillingness to discipline their children and teach them how to make good life choices. There are the mothers who buy their kids everything so that the children don’t consider whether they may have more material rewards if they lived with Dad. And dads who refuse to discipline, afraid their children will never spend time with them.
Parental Alienation Featured On A Major TV Show
Red Table Talk just gave the best coverage of parental alienation and the failure of the family courts on a national TV show! It has over 6 million views. Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Grammy have suffered from the consequences of in their words being #erased and want to share. Erasing Family stars Ashlynn and Dizzy share reuniting and we hear from Ashlynn's mother on why she alienated her daughter. Dr. Amy Baker shares practical tips on how to respond in an alienation situation as she coaches an erased mom. Music legend Teddy Riley goes public with being an alienated dad.
Research Study: Child Custody Rulings and Parent-Child Relationships
Parents involved in a custody matter may participate in a study titled Child Custody Rulings Linked to Parent-Child Relationships. This survey takes approximately 15-20 minutes to complete and is available at Survey Monkey until Friday, September 24, at 12:00 a.m. PST.
The research study seeks to explore how alienating behaviors and parent-child relationships may be influenced by custody rulings. Statistical analyses will explore custodial arrangements for temporary and final orders. Findings from this study could have implications for family policy on custody matters and developing a model for rulings and parent-child relationships.
Myths and Truths about Shared Parenting and Child Well-Being
National Parents Organization knows that there are many harmful myths about shared parenting. Opponents of shared parenting raise a myriad of objections to a presumption that children will continue to have a full parent-child relationship with both parents even when the parents are living apart. These objections are not grounded on facts. But they mislead those unfamiliar with the scientific research on child well-being.
Co-parenting and Decision Authority (A.K.A. Legal Custody)
By Teresa Harlow
At the beginning of this series, you were offered insights on what to include in your co-parenting plan. So far, we’ve went deep on adopting an empathetic mindset, living arrangements, parenting time, finances, and communication. This month, we’re tackling co-parenting decision authority, also referred to by legal professionals as legal custody of the child. This is different from physical custody which refers to the time a parent spends with the child in their care. Legal custody concerns major decisions that must be made for your child.